Those Special Moments

So, I recently saw the movie Her, and I fell in love. Not only is the writing amazing, but the acting is superb, the story is compelling and fresh, and it is beautifully captured.

However, that’s not really what this post is about.

I noticed, while forcing my friends to discuss the movie with me (because, apparently, I’m the only one in that friend group that adores analyzing movies), that this movie is different in more than one way. Not only does it depict a non-traditional relationship, but it also focuses more on the relationship itself than the beginnings of the relationship. This movie shows some beautiful post-courting events. Those events, or rather, moments, that occur when you’re truly comfortable with someone. Those moments that aren’t contrived, aren’t planned, and are 100% naturally you.

That made me remember some moments in my life that I love. Those moments when you feel completely comfortable with someone and are able to revel in that fact. When you find out that on some of the most trivial levels, you are with someone who is like you. You’re spending time with someone who gets you (which for me, is a very, very rare occasion).

That’s one of the things I crave most. Yes, yes, sexual things are fun (if they weren’t there wouldn’t be nearly as many humans as there are today). Romance is fun too. The wooing, the hand-holding, the long, romantic, longing gazes… But friendship is better.

So, this movie shows some of those times when friendship meets romance–when you get to have utterly silly, meaningless, wonderful moments with someone you love. Those moments when you are completely in sync, and you both understand and wonder at the complexities of the individual near you.

These moments are amazing, and yet they are often ignored. People take them for granted, until they’re single again, or until they are away from those people that really understand you.

This is going to sound weird, but these moments don’t always happen with your romantic significant others. These moments can happen with any “other” who is significant. People will probably judge me hard core for this, but I totally believe you can have a crush on your best friends.  I know I do. I am completely in love with my best friends. No, that doesn’t mean I’m homosexual. It means that I love every aspect of some of my friends. I love how we work together. I love how we interact. I love the crazy moments we have together. When I’m crushing on them, I crave them more than usual. I miss them. I spam their Facebook walls with funny inside jokes (which is ok, because they love me). I randomly text/snapchat them messages proclaiming my love for them–and they send them back.

The English language has a very narrow concept of love. The word, “love” is used to describe hundreds of different emotions. “I love this pizza,” and “I love you” are both statements that use the same word to describe two very different emotions (unless you’re romantically in love with your pizza. In which case… you do you?). We also use “love” to describe friendship love. I remember the first time I told my best friend that I loved her. I was saying goodbye to her the night before I was leaving California to move to Texas. I was terrified, sad, and angry. I literally felt like I was being ripped in two. When we hugged each other we cried and told each other that we loved each other, and we were both so shy about it. As though telling each other we loved each other was taboo, because we were both girls, but we weren’t lesbians. We didn’t want to make it weird.

Well, it wasn’t, and we were both so incredibly happy about that. And guess what? It’s totally OK for best friends to love each other.

Valentine’s Day is another day that I totally fight the love stereotype. In America, it is a day for lovers. If you don’t have a lover, then you’re supposed to either sit at home and feel sorry for yourself (probably with some sort of alcohol and chocolate), go out and try to find a temporary lover, or make fun of all of the “stupid couples” who are buying into a capitalist scheme. Well, I learning in my Spanish class that not all countries see it that way. In Mexico, they have a “Dia de la Amistad” which means Friendship Day (basically). This is a day when you celebrate those you love, but not romantically. Ok, so it’s probably another holiday made up by Hallmark to boost their sales, but it’s a great idea. Why do I have to be limited by the narrow conception of love on Valentine’s Day? So, like the freak I am, I give all of my friends a little gift on Valentine’s Day, because I love them. I also try to remind myself that, although I’m #foreveralone, I’m not really alone, because I have other people in my life that I love who love me back.

So, to get back on topic, here is a (totally incomplete) list of those moments of romandship (romance+friendship) that really show true love and caring to me. Some of these might only happen in romantic relationships, some of these might be friend-zone things, but all of them are moments that I cherish (or really, really, really want to happen).  All of these are moments when you are being 100% yourself with someone, and it isn’t weird at all.

  • When you wake up and are facing the person in bed next to you. Even though you probably look like crap and have awful breath, you both smile, because you’re happy they are the first person you see.
  • When you stay to watch the credits without having to ask, because that’s just what you do.
  • When you do the above, and you take turns reading off the weird sounding names (because why wouldn’t you?)
  • When you both end up looking at each other randomly across the room and either a) raise your eyebrows and smirk knowingly at each other, b) smile cutely and look down, or c) make random and rather terrifying faces at each other because you can.
  • When you say something completely random and weird during a conversation, and instead of recognizing how awkward/weird that was, the other person just goes with it, and you have a weird, sarcastic, and hilarious conversation about it (which probably leads to an inside joke)
  • When you say the same thing at the exact same time as your “other,” and you just laugh because it’s creepy but cool
  • When you can catch each other up on your lives in 30 seconds, and they somehow understand everything that you said
  • When you have an entire conversation just by looking at each other
  • When you know they’ve entered the room without even seeing them, and you immediately feel happier
  • When you text each other at the exact same time (and you weren’t in the middle of a conversation)
  • When they somehow sense that you need comfort, and know how to help you (even if they just touch your arm briefly)
  • When you look at each other and know you’re thinking the exact same thing (either sexual or not…)
  • When you can just sit in silence, or walk in silence, and it isn’t awkward at all
  • Those conversations that are utter sarcastic nonsense but make you incredibly happy all the same.
  • When you teach each other how to do things, and it doesn’t seem condescending or judgmental. You just enjoy helping the other person grow.

This isn’t an extensive list. Honestly, some of these may only apply to me. Maybe this doesn’t make any sense. All I know is that a real relationship has these moments, and many more. They seem like second nature, but that’s what’s so special with them. It’s a sign that you really are sharing your life with someone, or at least you’re beginning to do so.

 

Eh, who knows. I’ll probably end up with cats.

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