I’m Sorry But…

I plan on waiting until marriage to have sex.

*queue gasps and accusations of prudery*

I have a lot of reasons for wanting to do this, some of which I don’t feel like sharing with you. But here are some I will: I don’t feel mature enough to handle that level of intimacy yet, and don’t think I’ll trust someone enough to go through that with them until I’m at least engaged to them. I want a commitment from that person, because I will feel committed to them. I’m also a religious person, and believe that God meant for sex to be shared between two people who are bonded to each other by at least love.  There are more, but for now that will suffice.

Here’s the thing, just because I want to wait until marriage doesn’t mean that I think other people are “wrong” or “evil” for not waiting.  See, I have come up with a mini checklist for healthy sex. (*disclaimer* This, by no means, is an all-inclusive list, nor do I think that this list should be used by everyone.  This is merely my guideline, and in case you haven’t noticed, I like lists. So don’t bite my head off, please)

–You’re at least 17:  Why? Because in most states, sex under that age is illegal. Anyway, why on Earth should CHILDREN be having sex anyway.  I’m sorry if this upsets some of you, or if some of you have had sex before this and are perfectly ok with that.  I just honestly don’t believe that a normal child (meaning one that hasn’t been forced by some circumstances to mature early) is capable of making that decision and dealing with the consequences.

–You’re in a committed relationship:  This is what I need. Ideally, this is what everyone should have, I believe. I mean, sex is a big deal.  You need someone who can go through it with you, who will respect you, and who won’t abandon you after it happens (so, obviously, you need to be in a relationship with a non-jerk/jerkette).

–You’re in full control of your faculties:  AKA you’re not drunk, high, on extreme psychiatric medication, etc.

–You’re not under duress in any way: So, you’re not being pressured into it or physically forced to do it.  This can get pretty intense, so I won’t get into details here, but, basically, if you’re having sex for any reason besides the fact that you’re in love with (or care deeply for) the person you’re doing it with, and that you want to do this as an expression of that care… then don’t do it. Which reminds me…

–You care deeply for that person: To me, this is obvious.

–You understand the risks involved with having sex, and are prepared:  unprotected sex when you’re not in a position to care for a baby is ABSOLUTELY stupid.  I’m sorry, but use birth control. Get it. Use a condom. Protect yourself as much as you can from STD’s. Just do it.  It’s not fair to your potential kid if you are irresponsible and can’t possibly take care of said child.

I believe that’s it.  I expect a lot of backlash from this (because, obviously, the entire world reads my blog).  In all seriousness, though, this is my checklist.  Be smart, safe and respect yourself and your partner.  Sex is fun, wonderful, sweet, and awesome. Sex is also serious, sometimes dangerous, and an important step in every relationship.  So “sex responsibly.”

Again, if you have casual sex with people you’re not in love with, and are safe about it, more power to you.  I don’t judge you (unless you do it A LOT, because then, I’m sorry, but you’re kinda slutty).  The key is that you’re respectful and safe.  What you’re doing, though, isn’t ideal to me.

I hate moral relativism, but for some things, that’s how it has to be.  Everyone is different, and everyone is affected differently by life events.  I know myself well enough to know that I would regret doing anything sexual with someone I didn’t care a great deal about, who didn’t respect me, and who I wasn’t at least exclusive with.  I have some friends who are totally ok with having casual sex, and do so selectively and safely.  That’s fine too.  See, they fit most of the points above.  They’re safe, they at least like and know the other person, they’re of age, they understand the repercussions of sex, they’re not drunk, and they’re at least not helping someone cheat.

So there you go.

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